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It amuses my wife no end that I am mildly upset about the experience ("Try having them compressed in a vice, or getting a probe shoved up there – then you'll know what we put up with". So, after a couple of days of tests, there is a clue, but nothing conclusive.
They really want me to have another test and start using a word I am vaguely familiar with and associate with bad things. That was the first clue (for me anyway, I'm slow) that this might be a bit more serious than man-flu.
I'm in the waiting period between knowing I probably have cancer, but not knowing much what that means.
I've had tests, I'll do more, and then the doctors will be able to tell me what happens next.
They could use it to check to see if everybody really was kung-fu fighting, or if some are only pretending.
I've always thought that claim was a bit suspect.)* READ MORE: A mild touch of the cancer - all columns More tests – another hypothesis. Well yes, I do travel a lot on planes, but not long haul that often. But here I was, in a hospital none-the-less and with doctors coming to talk to me. Not something I am good at, particularly in a hospital bed, with other people around me who clearly are proper sick.
Author and comedian David Downs will be sharing his experience with cancer in this series 'A mild touch of the cancer'.
I'll start in the middle, where the cancer has started, right in the guts.
So they suggested I stay in overnight and get it done – which, partly to experience what it's like to stay in hospital if I'm honest, I agreed to.Warm gel applied liberally, and a makeshift tent erected ('scuse the pun) to 'preserve my dignity'. My dignity is about as well preserved as 100 year-old peaches in a rusty agee jar.Still, the scan shows me two things – 1, nothing wrong with my fellas, and 2, blokes are lucky we don't have other people fiddling with our bits as often as women do.They woke me at 3am and took me to the CT room again, did another scan and sent me back to bed.Despite all that, I slept fairly well, even with all the beeping and pinging of all the machines for the other patients (see – proper sick folk).
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It also sounds quite cool, and exotic, and relatively benign given I already had my kids.